It has been storming here on and off since 3:30 this morning. And I live with a dog that doesn't like thunder. At 8:00 it was finally clear enough to take him out for his morning stroll. Such is life in the land of humidity.
The other night my mom and I were talking about the Robert Frost poem "The Road Less Traveled" and it got me thinking about my life. I didn't grow up like a lot of kids my age did. My dad was 37 when I was born which was late in life to have kids back then. This meant that my parents raised my brother and I like the generation before us. We had responsibilities and were expected to uphold them. We spent our summers in high school sitting on tractors, haying. And when we sold the hay, we got to keep the money. Of course I hated it at the time. I wanted to be a lazy teenager and hang out with my friends, they had a swimming pool. I had a farmer tan.
I didn't run with the popular crowd in high school and therefore I didn't party. My dad one time offered for us to get drunk with him, if we thought it was so much fun and that along with knowing alcoholism runs in both sides of the family pretty much cured me from ever getting into drinking. I passed on smoking too, well except maybe the occasional cigar, I don't like the smell of cigarettes so why smoke them. Perhaps my practical nature at work. When I was about 16 I had a crush on a boy who was a year older. I finally got the nerve to tell him and his response was he wasn't interested in me because I was a "good girl". I was a teenager, I was devastated and thus started a 20 year battle, in my head, of believing "good girl" = "not fun" or "uncool". All because the popular kid brushed me off for being who I was.
Now at 36 with my life moving in a different direction, I am willing to own up to my good girl status. I think in a lot of ways I have taken the road less traveled. I didn't go off to college. I stayed close to my family. In my early 20's I found employment and maintained it in good standing for 13 years. (From working in human resources I can tell you if someone stays in a job for more than a year nowadays, it's a big deal.) Being a good girl doesn't mean I didn't have struggles. It doesn't mean I didn't have to make tough choices. And it doesn't mean I didn't make some bad decisions along the way. It did mean I had to live with the toughest critic, the voice in my head telling me I wasn't cool. Here's the thing. The voice in my head was wrong, don't listen to everything that you think. In a lot of cases I chose to go against the norm and not do the things others were doing and I've turned out just fine.
Finally, I'm content with where I'm at in life. When I was ready I moved a thousand miles away from family and friends and I am at peace with that decision. I know how to have fun. My definition of fun, not someone else's or as defined by society. The risk of trying to belong or fit in with societal standards is potentially sacrificing who you are as a person. I'm not willing to do that anymore. I am daring greatly. I am showing up and being seen. And I am finally starting to believe that I am enough. Just as I am.
Next Sunday I signed up for a 5K, which I may or may not be fit enough to do. I know I will finish that is all that matters to me. Jak and I are about to go for a jog around the block, that's as close to training as I'm going to get at this point. I hope everyone can get out and enjoy their Sunday too!
Until next time...
Peace & Love,
Hope
P.S.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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