Today I write not of current events but of this date 20 years ago. On that day my cousin Debbie married her prince charming. I admire Debbie for waiting to find the right person. She did not settle and in 20+ years together anything I ever witnessed, Ed has always done right by her.
This past December, Debbie lost a two year battle cancer. She gave it a good fight and underwent whatever treatment might help but in the end no treatment was enough. About a week before she passed, my mom and I visited her at the hospital. She was talking and clear and could still make decisions about her care. She knew her days were limited and she talked about how much she would miss Ed. My mom was great with her and told her that the love would still be there even when she physically wasn't there anymore.
At this point I told Debbie that she was an inspiration to me, waiting for the right guy, having a good marriage for close to 20 years and keeping it together after finding out they couldn't have kids. I told her that at 35 I was starting to wonder if marriage and kids were in the cards for me. There she was, staring death in the face, and she looked at me and said, "the right person is out there don't give up hope, you are a special person and deserve the best." As I sit here writing this I have tears in my eyes, not in sadness but in gratitude for the kindness she extended to me when she was facing so much.
I wrote the following to honor Debbie and had the privilege of sharing it at her funeral. I include it here today as a tribute to someone who made a difference in my life.
In considering what I would
like to say about Debbie, the first thing that came to mind was, she would not
like this, the attention, someone speaking openly of admiration for her. Accolades were not her style.
A few weeks ago my aunt
was telling about Debbie’s thoughtfulness when she was going home after a
hospital stay and arranged for Italian cookies to be given to the nurses and
staff that had made her time there a little bit easier. It was from this story I finally came to
understand that Debbie was so matter of fact in her thoughtfulness that she
could give you the shirt off her back and you wouldn’t even realize what she
had done. She always had a plan that was
executed well and this kept the attention off of the thoughtful things she was
actually doing. Recognition was not her
motivation.
Last Wednesday I visited
Debbie. She was resting quietly so I sat
next to her and talked to her for a few minutes. I used that time to thank her for being such
a good older cousin to me. When I was a
teenager she did stuff with me. Let me
drive her car when I had my learner’s permit.
And the ultimate coolness for a 16 year old; I got to be in her wedding. When my mom’s brother had kids and there was
a similar age difference between them and me as there was between Debbie and
me, I hoped I would be that cool older cousin for them. I have had that opportunity and I am so
thankful. It has enriched my life and I
am grateful that Debbie was such a good role model for me.
I would like to share a quote
that I recently came across…
“I have to remind myself that
some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And
when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up
does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty
that they're gone.”
Debbie is the bird with
bright beautiful feathers. The cancer
was the cage that was keeping her locked up.
She is free now, and though sadness intrudes, our lives are a little
brighter for knowing her.
After receiving the call that
Debbie had passed on I walked out of work and when I turned on my car I heard
this on the radio, “sleep in heavenly peace.”
So appropriate. Rest in heavenly
peace, Debbie. Your work on earth is
done.
My biggest take away from witnessing the path of Debbie's life is this, I think at the end of everyday and at the end of all our days we all just want to feel like our lives mattered. If there is someone in your life that has made a difference, I encourage you to tell them. Don't wait, do it now, do it often.
Until next time...
Peace & Love,
Hope
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