Yes, I have sort of been a lost Hope for a while. I seem to be managing two jobs okay, it's just a big consumption of my time. I am, however, getting to the dog beach on a more regular basis which is good for body, mind and spirit. And of course also good for Jak.
Last week on my day off when I could have sat down and wrote on my blog, I instead decided to treat myself to a little luxury. I spent the day shopping around for a washer and dryer and I am proud to say I am the new owner of a set of Whirlpools. After a year of hauling my clothes around to wash them it was just time. It has improved my quality of life to come home from work and just throw a load of clothes in, instead of having to plan my week around getting somewhere to do laundry. It seems to be the small things in life that make it oh so much better.
I was thinking this week about a time in my life when I was around someone that was capable of speaking unkindly to me. In a lot of ways I've worked through the situation and let go of so much it. I don't even hold bad feelings toward the person. The thing is, even years later, I was still telling myself it happened because I let it be okay and in effect, blaming myself. The other day it finally hit me. It wasn't okay. Bad behavior is not okay. I let it be because at the time that was the best choice I knew how to make. And now, I can finally stop blaming myself. I did the best I knew how to do and when I knew better I made different choices around spending time with that person.
A few days after having this breakthrough, I opened a little book of wisdom that I have and the page I opened to said this, "When I loved myself enough, I stopped blaming myself for choices I had made - which made me feel safe and I took responsibility for them." How's that for some validation. And then yesterday this TED talk came recommended to me...(only five minutes)
In it the speaker, David Brooks, recites the following quote by Reinhold Niebuhr:
"Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope.
Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which forgiveness."
The lesson learned for me this week, forgive myself. Stop taking the blame for justifying things that are not okay. Accept the choices I've made and strive to use that knowledge to make better choices from here on out.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Forgive yourself for the times you haven't been and for the times you've let it be okay for someone to be unkind to you. We are all doing the best we know how to and that is enough.
Until next time...
Peace, Love & Kindness,
Hopeful
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